Hero Child

 
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Biography Barbara Rogers
Foreword: A Hero Child
Chapter 1
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Published by Barabara Press
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abyss

three times I lost the ground under my feet
three times I tumbled into the abyss of betrayal
with nothing to hold onto
deeper and deeper the fall into a bottomless depth

my mother’s murderous attack and her violent rage
scare me to death, shatter my trust in life, render me powerless
I am disabled by fear from the beginning

abandoned by my beloved nanny
my soul is tormented by feelings
of worthlessness
of loneliness

robbed by incest
of stepping into womanhood and a life of my own
my father’s betrayal delivers my self-confidence a final blow

three times the earth opened under me—love and trust shattered

I lived like a shadow of myself
tried to please even more desperately to regain a sense of worth
it was the only way I knew how to feel good about myself

love and trust—replaced by fear and submission—
became nightmares

September 11 brings back these feelings of falling into the abyss
the despair and the doubts
how can life go on—how will I live from now on
in a world gone up in flames ignited by hatred

I see people falling, burning—the towers collapsing
in the newspaper I meet the faces and fates of the victims
where is the ground under my feet?
again, I fall
how can I trust life and the world where such madness happens?

I embrace the betrayed child with compassionate understanding
I hold her tragic fate

thus empowered to return to the present with open eyes
I can see now

life and my life
reveal their precious, unique nature

I emerge with my quest clearer
my values sharper in focus
my goals and priorities redefined
my journey on a changed course

I must break the silence
I must express my truth
my screams
my book
and my Self
shall live

© Barbara Rogers

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Screams from Childhood