Hero Child

 
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Biography Barbara Rogers
Foreword: A Hero Child
Chapter 1
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Published by Barabara Press
   

 

the bride

I was eighteen, engaged to be married for three months
when anxiety seized me
it took my sleep as I obsessed over what would happen to me
after I died—desperately I read the bible
and any book on death and dying I could find

two weeks into this ordeal I went to see our doctor
tranquilizers and strong sleeping pills were prescribed
he told me that all would be well once I was married
and that I could drive my car
but should have no more than a glass of wine if I did

when I came home my parents wanted to talk with me
we sat in my mother’s room
they had noticed that something was wrong with me
it was my father who spoke—my mother remained silent

I told them of anxiety and sleeplessness—my visit to the doctor
my father told me that he had experienced a similar crisis
when he was engaged to my mother—I felt relieved
because now what I experienced seemed less scary to me
not like an indication that I was going crazy
which I was afraid was happening to me

no one ever mentioned therapy, such a taboo where I come from

my only concern was not to be a problem—so I took the pills
heavily drugged for months I believed myself to be well

on the outside I was a smiling and seemingly happy bride
inside a chaos that had tried to erupt
seethed in the volcano of my body
covered by drugs and denial

© Barbara Rogers

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Screams from Childhood