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father—unscrupulous, cruel father
you pushed your own child into a whirl of anxiety and guilt
in which the teenager drowned and perished—unable to surface
father—without conscience
you used your child as a lover—as an unpaid whore
your crime gave my self-confidence the final blow
father—how I adored you
how unconditionally and completely I trusted you
while you split my mind into confusion and self-hatred
I could not hate you for what you did to me
father—irresponsible, brutal father
you deceived and betrayed your child unimaginably
but condemned your loyal child to silence
while you continued a monstrous life of lies and mendacity
father—hypocritical father—I cannot live a lie like you did
I am incapable of such a deceitful way of life
forgetting saved me from going crazy
father—unscrupulous father
I say goodbye to you—and to my illusions
that enabled me to believe in a loving, protecting father
father—without conscience—brutal father
this is my farewell
your betrayal of me is a crime for which you never atoned
—but it has become the source of my rebellion
the foundation for my liberation and spirited journey
father—deceitful liar—I am walking a different path
my rebellion honors the truth and serves life
I leave behind a different legacy:
this book
and a life of protest and dignity
that has overcome your crime
© Barbara Rogers
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Screams from Childhood |
