Screams from Childhood - my anger is my lover

 
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Biography Barbara Rogers
Foreword: A Hero Child
Chapter 1
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lonely star

in your presence I did not dare to be honest
once when I was a young woman—married for a few years
I told you that I married so young to get away from home
if eyes could kill—your eyes would have killed me

pain and complaints produced angry, scornful eyes
self-confidence triggered contemptuous derision
questions and tears caused accusations and condemnations
problems and despair brought an onslaught of blame and guilt
joy and spontaneity lead to lectures and judgments
my thoughts, feelings drowned in damnation and sarcastic ridicule

the child’s truthful utterances were met with hatred

abandoned, lonely star—drifting lost and aimlessly
through an endless universe—this is how the child felt
once in school we looked at magnified images of stars
against the black vastness of the universe
and her powerful feelings of loneliness overwhelmed me frightfully

when her parents’ eyes fell approvingly upon the child
she believed she mattered, was important, her life had value

filled with the illusion of being loved
the child disregards being careful and watching out
believes for a dangerous moment she is safe

as she betrays her perceptions and true self
as she trusts where she cannot and may not trust
she is fundamentally betrayed and deceived

© Barbara Rogers

Screams from Childhood

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