letters to Barbara



letters to Barbara


escape from the fog of admiration



other responses to Alice Miller



Dear Barbara I read your "On My Side" link and could really identify with what you shared; so here is a letter to Barbara on my reflections into healing journey... for your empathic consideration.

Warmest Regards, Gerald

Reflections into Healing

Deep healing for me comes from owning and accepting all of life's energies within myself. When I give myself permission to explore the disowned shadow sides of myself, I discover they are not as scary as I had imagined them to be. When they are allowed into flowing expression; they take their place, as important aspects of my true nature; there is no split between "good" and "bad". All aspects of life are elements of the life force and facets of the Divine within.

In this world, I live in four realms at once: The Physical, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual. In order to truly heal myself and be a Co-Creative in this world, I need to heal all four levels by bringing them into Balance with Integrity. It's time for me to make a commitment to my own healing and thus contribute to healing on this planet.

I have many thoughts, ideas and beliefs that although they have served me well on my journey through survival, are now limiting my Life through expanding consciousness.

Healing myself on an emotional level, I need to reconnect with and allow myself to feel and release repressed and suppressed emotions from my past. I can learn to accept and experience all my feelings spontaneously, fully and freely. Emotional healing for me involves paying attention to what has Heart meaning, being in touch with my vulnerabilities and learning to care for and nurture them consciously and appropriately for myself, in relationships and in the world at large.

On healing the Physical level, modern life does not generally encourage me to pay close attention or be sensitive to my physical body. In fact for many years I was quite disconnected from my body and my true physical needs. Physical healing takes place now, as I learn to trust, feel and listen to the Wisdom of my awakened body.

Mental healing occurs as I identify and gradually release belief systems that no longer serve me and explore new emerging realities that gives support to a fuller expression of who I am. Furthermore, I am a person who made limited use of my Intelligence, through childhood experiences of criticisms and other emotional traumas, so Mental healing involves reclaiming my Creative Intelligence.

On the Spiritual level, I have experienced a profound disconnection from my Spiritual self and from a higher source greater than my Ego self. This has caused an underlying feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness in my life and filling it in many fruitless ways. Spiritual healing for me occurs as I begin to consciously reconnect with my Spiritual Essence and experience being filled by the Spirit within.

All four levels of being are closely related to, and affect one another. As I heal on one level, I support the healing process on all other levels as well. Strengthening my Spiritual connection gives me the inspiration, courage and strength to face deep emotional pain. As I do my emotional work, I release blocked energies on the Mental and Physical levels as well. The more in tune I am with my physical body, the more energy I feel on every level. I may begin the process on any level or explore the various realms at different times in my life: and the ultimate goal however… is for balance and integration of all four levels.

There's a concept often held by people in the personal growth movement, that it is all pretty simple. All I have to do is change my thoughts, use a certain technique and things would clear up. I once believed that if I was able to follow this particular path or do this certain method everything should work.

Then when that turned out in not being the case, I blamed myself. Those beliefs are simply extremely naïve. I am going through an amazing transformational process. I am delving down into countless layers of unconscious material. I am transforming the ways I have lived and acted out through generations of Dysfunction. I can't simply say a few affirmations nor do some simple how to technique or spiritual bypass and have it all done with. Growth for me; is a life long process and that's OK.

Change doesn't happen overnight. Individual steps on the Path of Consciousness can be wonderfully easy and fun and some steps seem miraculous, however the journey contains many evolving stages and the journey as a whole is far from being easy. There isn't going to be a point where I am "done". It's important to acknowledge to myself that I choose to make a lifetime commitment to healing and evolving through raising conscious awareness of my true Spiritual Authentic Self.

Consciousness is an ever-deepening, ever expanding process. Fortunately it does become easier and more and more rewarding. There are times however that it gets harder before it gets better. Sometimes I have to go through deep emotional healing before I feel better. Whenever I am in the process, discouragement is replaced with Encouragement.

Everyone has a unique timetable and that needs to be honored. I have felt many times the despair of taking too long or that I should be doing it better or faster. I am recognizing that it very much depends on individual life's experiences. Some of us have had more pain and trauma in our early lives than others, therefore the depth and extent of our healing process may be greater. The great gift to receive however, is that whatever depth I've had to go through in my healing process Is what I have to offer to others on their healing journey.

Our Societies have belief systems that we should be able to do this with ease and ought to be totally self-sufficient. Most of us have bought into those beliefs and feel guilty for needing other people or needing connection, love, support and so on.

So we repress our unhealthy dependency by trying valiantly to appear "strong" and "Well put together". We even hide our true needs from ourselves and instead practice the art of active dysfunctional patterns. It's s impossible for me to live a satisfying, fulfilling life without deep connection and inter-dependence with other people. Certainly, I need the support, love and mirror reflections from other people on my journey to healing and conscious awakening.

Dysfunctional patterns for me, involve the unconscious dependency needs that exist when I deny nor accept my true needs for self and others. Conscious inter-dependence acknowledges and expresses healthy needs for self and others. The need for connection and contact between human beings is very important to acknowledge. Not only do I need intimate relationship with Self and with a life partner, nuclear family, and close friends. I also need a sense of connection to an extended family, and community as a whole. Ultimately, I need to feel that I am part of the whole Human Family and all sentient beings on this Earth.

Most of us on a conscious path are spending a great deal of time in healing our individual lives. Fortunately, unhealthy patterns that have been handed down for centuries are being addressed in this time in our history. We are committing to doing our healing on ourselves in order to break the patterns of dysfunction for our children; hence being able to do what they are here to do in their life purpose. This is an opportunity for me to be part of this evolutionary process in freeing future generations, and honor my journey and others taking part in breaking this Circle of Wounding.

Whether or not I'm in the healing or helping professions; just going through my own healing process can be inspirational and helpful to anyone else who is dealing with the same kinds of issues. Being in service to others becomes an inevitable part of this process; it's not something I have to try to do. One way or another I will automatically pass on to others what I have learned, as part of my ongoing healing process.

I have found that there are people around me with the same issues or problems that gravitate to me in some way. You find yourself sharing your experience strength and hope, or you may not even talk about them. It's just that your life experiences are present within your energy field. Other people feel it, they benefit from it, and receive the hope for change from making contact with you on their road to recovery and healing and vice versa.

When I'm working on my own inner growth and healing, I function as a role model and contribute in relieving the burden of everyone around me, especially my family members. Children in particular, always pick up energetically, their parents' unresolved problems, issues or patterns and perpetuate them in their own lives. This is true whether children or grown adults.
Living with truth is difficult. I have had the tendency to just go along with what other people were doing or what I have always done because it seemed like the safest or most comfortable alternative. In that process I often failed to speak or live my truth because I was afraid that someone may not like it or it may lead to some risk or discomfort. Just for today I want to follow my own sense of inner truth, with integrity and in a deeper meaningful way. I want to follow my Bliss and take risks to recover my truth without judgments, blame guilt or shame.

Learning to live by my Inner Guidance often feels like stepping off the edge of a cliff. It's only by practicing with the small things that I can learn to follow my inner guidance with the big ones. That means being able to tune into what's right for me and having the courage to say yes, or being able to say no when something isn't right for me. These steps create a powerful connection to my own inner source and once I have that, this is what sustains me along in my own unfolding Spiritual Path.

In retrospect I am very grateful and thankful for those who have come across my path; for without all you Soul Inspiring Mirrors, none of this could have been such an Empowering endearing and Loving Journey.

Gerald N Burnett ©Material

E-mail gnburnett1@b2b2c.ca

Dear Gerald,
I needed time to absorb your Reflections Into Healing. I think your insights are profound, true and helpful. They certainly come from a therapeutic journey of real, actual, authentic experiences and thus, they strike me as convincing. For me, your insights are comforting, too, because it is a difficult, at times frustrating realization that the process of growing and healing is continuous and lasts all our lives. But if, at some point, we believe ourselves to be healed and recovered, and to have "all the answers" -- then we close the door -- once again, like we had to as children -- to our connection with our inner life, our truth, and with our truthful communication with our inner world and true Self. And then we die all over again. As we leave isolation and speechlessness behind, truthful expression remains a life-long endeavor for all of us who must discern that we were neglected and abused children. It is shocking and painful to realize the consequences, which these devastating realities imposed on our bodies, minds, development and freedom -- and how we were betrayed for our lives. We gain rewarding satisfaction when we can rescue more and more of our potential and integrity -- in a struggle that it by all means not easy -- and when we can change our lives to create caring relationships, also caring towards and with ourselves. In these relationships, which are light years removed from the nightmares of our childhood suffering, we can fulfill the values and the love that we have encountered through compassionate, supportive therapeutic relationships if we are fortunate to encounter empathy, respect, truthfulness, courage, integrity and a sincere commitment to creating and maintaining such relationships.
Thank you very much, Gerald,