why do I have to believe?
why do I have to believe so much?
why is believing so important to you?
why must I believe my parents
even if they don’t tell the truth?
why do I have to believe that my parents are good and mean well
although they frighten and hurt me unimaginably?
why do I have to believe that I am a fortunate, privileged child
when I am terrified and lonely and no one comforts me?
why do I have to believe that problems exist only
because of my sinfulness and guilt
while everyone higher in the hierarchy is infallible?
why may I not trust my observations, my feelings, my thoughts?
why are they put down as imagination, hysterical, over-sensitive
attacked as contradiction and disobedience
destroyed as presumptuous, dangerous, rebellious?
why must I believe that it is wrong to trust my Self?
why must I believe in God whom I cannot see?
why do I have to believe that my religion is superior?
why do I have to believe that Jews are bad, a lost people
condemned by God, source of all evil, blamed for killing Jesus?
it was in fact Roman tyranny and the ruthless despot Pilate
that murdered not just Jesus
but uncounted unwanted opponents
on the cross
why do I have to believe that only the “right” belief
grants me God’s acceptance and approval?
why does my religion indoctrinate me
with intolerance and inhumanity
anti-semitism and hatred?
only human beings can invent a God
who would condone such arrogance
or insist on such an exclusive, dangerous belief
why do I have to believe that only a belief grants salvation?
was my mind given to me to turn off and believe blindly
or to make use of
to think for my Self
to question and recognize
to find truth?
the girl kills the overwhelming questions
for which she has no answer
they explode her brain
they make her feel that she is losing her mind
© Barbara Rogers
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Screams from Childhood