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I have left Chicago, my beloved home for six years
and my therapist, too—my harbor for eighteen months
I have returned to Germany
in the city where I was born and raised
I live again only minutes away from my parents
confronted by hostility I feel I am lost in a desert
without warmth, friendship and love
one day I play the piano for someone else who tells me
you play with such feeling
you have something very unique inside
that night I dream
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that I am safe at the end of a fjord on a boat with my father
suddenly someone takes over the rudder
and steers the ship with powerful security out of the fjord
into the open sea
my father objects and protests—this is too dangerous—stop it
but the boat leaves the fjord
then I find myself in a stormy, stirred-up sea
drifting alone and lost in threatening waves
near me I also see a child
drifting further and further away from me
our lives are in mortal danger
a rubber boat comes—men want to get me out of the water
I answer—I will not come unless you save the child first
they save the child first—and then me |
I wake up deeply moved
© Barbara Rogers
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Screams from Childhood |
