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loneliness erupted as the first painful memory
early in my therapy work
dormant for years—it had been waiting
under the surface of the smiling façade
to emerge
in therapy I remembered those days after the accident
without comfort from my family
numbed by drugs, silence and isolation
I could not cry or experience my emotions
without the support of a compassionate witness
for whom my suffering was real and true
I could not feel such pain on my own
and survive the overwhelming self-blame and self-doubt
after I experienced this loneliness I told my therapist
until now my life has seemed
as if I have been standing in front of a painting
with everyone in my family telling me
it is red—it is beautiful—your family life was wonderful
but to me this painting has always looked black and grim
now that you have looked at it with me
and confirmed that it is indeed black and grim
I know that my perceptions are true
and I do not feel alone anymore
_____________
for my next session I brought him a bouquet of colorful flowers
© Barbara Rogers
Screams from Childhood |
