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father enchanting, magical
home was transformed when he was around
my mother was careful and watched what she did
I felt safer—not afraid of her
my father enjoyed life—my mother was bitter and angry
how the great seducer drew me in and made me adore him
how he charmed me—and he was aware of that
his charisma seduced many around him
but later when I reached out I found no center, nothing real
this manipulator and exploiter had no integrity, no truth
he abused my love and trust to suck me deep into his evil center
into a nightmare of confusion and terror
into an abyss that my mind could not escape by itself
so I denied and repressed what happened
at the edge of that abyss I look down one more time
I hand back to my father his seductive energy
that clouded my vision and shut down my mind
here, father, take it back—it is yours—I return it to you
I don’t want it anymore
this is your energy, father—I don’t want it anymore
this is your energy, father—I don’t want it anymore
as I look ahead I welcome honesty into my life
and I walk away
I never look back again
I cut my ties with him
without you, father, I have gained the clarity to face the truth
found the strength to claim my life
and gained the wisdom to embrace the values I longed for
© Barbara Rogers
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Screams from Childhood |
