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the first dream in my life and in therapy about my mother ended
while I wondered what to do with my mother—stuffed
in a garbage bag sitting in front of me
I was shocked by that dream—I was a good daughter
she would not have dared to see her relationship with her mother
as a disastrous failure
in my first dream about my father in my life and in therapy
I come to his funeral—when I look into the casket
I only see his head and upper torso
the lower part of his body from the waist down is missing
early on, my unconscious informed me clearly
how our relationship had ended for me
my father died in the year before the incest memory resurfaced
I did not attend his funeral—then I was forty eight years old
I had these dreams about my parents when I was
thirty three years old—but I needed twenty more long years
before I gave up idealizing my father
and trying to reach my mother
early on—in the images and metaphors of these dreams—
my unconscious revealed to me
my truth and the reality of my relationship with my parents
long before I was able to accept and live with them
who inside of me saw so clearly and so early the truth
and told me about it?
who inside of me revealed a reality that filled me with terror
and that I did not consciously know?
who lives there and knows—what it took me years to understand?
how many, many years did it take me to live in truth
© Barbara Rogers
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Screams from Childhood |
